We Love Because ..

We love because Christ first loved us! (1 John 4:19). This is probably my 2nd or 3rd week meeting and spending time with the freshmen. I'm a bit worn out already, but at the end of the day I know each and every minute is well worth the time. Meeting them was not by coincidence, because God had planned it all out long beforehand. God seriously presents opportunities for us to invest our time in people, but it's up to us if we want to respond to this calling! Though many of them have not received the gospel into their hearts, they are always in my heart and prayers. I have never prayed so hard for anyone other than myself before.

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I had a brief conversation with my mom and we went onto the subject of relationships. Recently a few dating relationships were sprouted from my immediate siblings to my cousins. My mom reminded me of this wonderful truth- you can lose a relationship because it is NOT the world, but you cannot lose CHRIST above all else. It's sooo true. Relationships come and go, but Christ remains. I know that God will provide the right one for me one day. Essentially that is not my priority, rather we are called to serve Christ with all that we have. Time IS SHORT! Living a life of urgency in proclaiming the GOSPEL! Who am I that God would send His ONE and ONLY son to be pierced on the cross for my past, current, and future sins? I love reading the Gospel of Matthew! :)

I am finally on Psalm 74. Yesterday I read the third book of Psalm 73. I love the following verses:
25-26:

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and heart may fail,
but God is my strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Amen?

Btw, I am not stating that being in a relationship is bad, rather time is short! Love God. Love People! And be loved!
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Over the past week I volunteered at the Early Childhood Educational Center! So there are three mandarin speaking kids (which is extremely rare in Merced). I was so sad when one of them is leaving permanently for Taiwan. I met her the winter of 2009 and she rarely spoke. When I came in and spoke to her in my broken and limited Mandarin, she finally started to talk to me in Mandarin. One of the teachers was surprised and shared with me saying, "Wow I've never heard her speak until you came." She would drag me around to make puzzles, arts and crafts, and blow bubbles, etc. I'm probably not going to see her ever again, but wow she picked up English throughout the past year and she speaks probably 70% or more in English now! Definitely encouraged me to be a preschool teacher! :)

Too Close For Comfort?

Looking at my plans for the future, which is teaching overseas in a program for a year or two or even longer.. I can see myself in this career path. BUT what I REALLY want to do is to work as an orphanage director somewhere, anywhere! Children need to be loved and especially those in orphanages. What I'm most worried about is supporting and taking care of my parents. Perhaps I should get a teaching credential as a backup plan, but does God calls us to live a comfortable life? Maybe applying to grad school is a way to honor my parents and after I work and support them, I can go overseas and work in an orphanage? What if I get sidetracked and never end up working for orphanage (if God's calling really is for me to serve the Lord overseas)! Ahhhhhhh.

What's Going On?

Pastor Henry, Scott, and Dave McGurk were busy on Sunday, so we had a guest speaker! Oh man, I really enjoyed this sermon. It was about God presenting opportunities for us to serve. I never really thought much about my motives for serving. But I really do hope I take every opportunity to serve the Lord (freshmen, church, leadership, home church, and just whatever the Lord gives me). Although I'm not exactly talented musically or anything, but I love spending quality time with people!
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As for my Anth class, our professor distributed our grade before final. First exam score: 38 out of 84. Second exam score: 40/77. And an 8.5 out of 10 for lab 1. I expected a D or F, but out of God's grace thus far I have a B-. Kind of nervous about the final on Thursday.
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I got stitches five days ago and for Arts 170 (Architecture) we have to construct a cube, sphere, and pyramid using glue and an xacto-knife. :/
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My itouch came! :) It's pretty cool! Debating if I'm going to Socal for a couple of days.
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& more! sleep deprived so I'll update if I think of something

Thanks Joanna & Jordan for such an amazing Saturday! You girls are awesome!

Questions

Earlier this week I was asked a question regarding my walk with the Lord.

In all honesty, I'm relearning/rediscovering God all over again. More so falling for God all over again. (Cheesy? Yes! But I do mean it!) I'm still struggling to read the Word every single day. I have days where I want to read the word and not so good days where I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. But my biggest struggle: "Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace." -Jerry Bridges The bold sentence is how I feel exactly. Reading the book on the Disciplines of Grace -Jerry Bridges has helped me realize what it means to believe and experience God's grace. And PTL I'm on the 50th page! :D Jia youuu!

God is LOVE!

I'm truly thankful that I am receiving this opportunity to meet a few freshmen. Ahh, that's all I can blog about. But I guess you can tell I'm that excited to see where God leads us. So originally I wasn't going to take summer classes. Sometimes you get this tugging from God to do His will. A friend of mine back at home asked my reasoning behind staying for summer session this year. I decided to take summer courses because I am pretty much behind if I wanted to apply for graduation fall 2011. A month after enrolling into summer courses, I felt this nudge on my heart to serve on leadership despite my shortcomings. And this led to me wanting to table for orientation. After taking the strengthfinder test, I was asked what I wanted to do. I replied, "serving and plugging in the freshmen class by being intentional with them." (For a second I did not know where that came from and not knowing if I was passionate about serving the first years). Last week I realized my heart for the incoming freshmen. I got to spend time and get to know the freshmen. They are so unique in every way and they remind me of how I was like my freshmen year. I'm uber encouraged to see their hearts of service and their gratefulness. And my heart from serving them as much as I can is motivated by God's unconditional love. It's contagiousss! <3

Hm, I think that I'm committing my last year in a half to serving the incoming freshmen. :)

Sorry I am grammatically incorrect today. I am exhausted and ready to dive into beddd :)

English Standard Version (©2001)
We love because he first loved us
1 John 4:19

Getting Healthy

So this summer tons of people are trying to get healthy and lose weight at the same time. It's pretty neat to see everyone do it, esp during the summer where tons of yummy greasy foods are the way to go. Pretty encouraging to see healthy dieting and workouts. I guess for me I'm trying to get healthy and gain weight at the same time. It's going to take lots of work, but my goal by the end of the summer is to be 105lbs. I could just buy tons of fatty lipids or just eat lard for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I'd figure higher cholesterol leads to arteries clogging up = no bueno.

Getting stressed with summer school work and busyness doesn't help with me eating 3 meals a day. It's not that I don't enjoy eating. I love eating! Probably more so lack of time = no time to cook = not eating meals + snacking on chips = stomach shrinking before my eyes. I really do try to diet correctly by eating big portions to gain weight. My weight fluctuates between 94-98lbs.

Hence the schedule to eat everyday, every meal. This is pretty sad, but this will help motivate me to gain weight from creating a thorough schedule then schedule it is! Lol. Another plus working out to gain muscles. Since muscles is heavier than fat.

Here's my meal plan!
7/16/2010, Friday
Breakfast:Cereal with granola nuts(two bowls)
Lunch: Mashed potatoes/ ravioli with pasta sauce and moz cheese
Dinner: steak/ rice/ boiled veggies
Snacks: grapes, plum, fruit snacks

7/17/2010 Saturday
Cereal with granola nuts(two bowls)
kimchi fried rice/ miso soup
spam masubi
ice cream, fruit salad, baked chips

7/18/2010 Sunday
Bagel with cream cheese
eat out?
kimchi chigae
carrot sticks with ranch, celery sticks with peanut butter
7/19/2010 Monday
Bagel with cream cheese
Leftovers?
Leftovers?
apple sauce,. cheese sticks

7/20/2010 Tuesday
2 Bananas
Pastrami with muester cheese and avocado
Meatloaf
anything

bigger portions later on, need to expand tummy first!

Most of them are true. Haha, thanks Joanne.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Everything I Have/Had Breaks.

My laptop is slowly dying on me after using it for only 3 years. First the left clicker broke and now it's freezing on me. :( Any affordable deals for laptops?

One of my cousins decided to sell her new Ipod Touch 3G 8GB new for $150. I guess this Ipod Touch is going to take the place of my laptop for a few months. I'm pretty excited for it to come in the mail! :)

Other than that summer school has been tough. Next week will be my last week of school. I really do hope I pass my Anthro class. I'm even okay with a C-. I just want to get school over with asap. And travel around the world or do something with my life. But one thing I am looking forward to is serving the freshmen! I really can't wait to meet more incoming freshmen! :) Bittersweet.

Lecrae- Desperate

[Hook: Cam]
I'm so desperate, I can't believe I've sinned against you
Create in me a clean heart (I'm so sorry)
Your mercy is what I need

[Verse 1: Lecrae]
Woke up this morning too depressed and shamed to leave my bed
Can't stand to see my own reflection so I hang my head
Feel like a disappointment like the scum of the earth
I'm so hurt I know you see I can't cover my dirt
My souls dying hearts weak and I can't even cry
I'm supposed to run to you but WHY I'm such an evil guy
The sun's shining but for me it's the darkest of days
Try to pretend it never happened but the guilt remains
I leave the house it feels like everybody knows I did it
Feels like they reading my mind and know the sin I committed
Through your blood I'm aquitted but my heart doesnt get it
Oh God I'm desperate for Help cause I'm grieving your Spirit
I couldn't sing in the sunday service, Lord I felt fake
And when they started communion I just made an escape
I'm in need of your grace
Feels like you hid your face
Lead me back to cross and show me my sins erased

[Verse 2: Lecrae]
I'm waste deep in my pity
Is Satan tryna trick me and tell me you won't forgive me
Cause it's starting to get me
Jesus help me quickly I hate wrong I've done
I know we all fall but I feel like the only one
Feels like I should be shunned
Should I punish myself
I know it's dumb cause by your death all my sin has been dealt
But my sin is been felt
I didn't want to do it
But what I want to do I don't
I swear I'm gonna to lose it
Try to open my bible I need to read your pages

I need you Lord but my guilt has got me feeling so faithless
Help me see where your face is
Take me back to the basics
Help me find my joy in you and not people and places
My sin is ever before me I turned my back on you
Oh father break and restore me to bring me back to you

[Verse 3: Lecrae]
Have mercy on me God according to your steady love
Wipe away my transgression and wash me in your blood
Create in me a clean heart renew a right spirit
Don't take your Spirit away your Presence keep me near it
I'm waiting patience on you Lord I know you hear my cry
Restore your Joy in me
For you alone I live and die

It's you I Glorify cause you don't want my sacrifice
You want me broken and contrite trusting in the Christ
I confess to you my sin and you show me mercy
I turn away from it demonstrating that you are worthy
Over lust, over pride, over all sin
Is my affection for Jesus is who died for all them
I was lost now I'm found I was toss to the ground
My sin weighed on me heavy but I am no longer bound
As sure as Christ wears the crown
I know that grace will abound
And even when I feel lost I know in You I am found

WORD.

Late Bloomer

I didn't really get the chance to serve the incoming freshmen nor did I make effort to get to know them last year. But there's something about this year where my heart is really looking forward to serving these amazing bunch of people. Perhaps it has to do with someone from my church and 2nd cousin attending UC Merced next year, I don't know. I am not meriting myself rather it is God's grace that is so undeserving for me. God sometimes takes people out of our lives so we are able to meet new people. I am in a different place and environment compared to last year. Though last year was a trialing time for me, I've grown from these mistakes and I am growing everyday! There's so much I have to learn about serving others, the Word, faith, etc! But I'm open to what God has for me!


"I am a great sinner, but I have a great Savior" - John Newton

PS. OH and I want to go to Yosemite!

Wow!

WOWed by the maker and creator of the Heavens and the Earth, because I am constantly amazed by the little things that God did, is doing, and will be doing in our lives.

As of late I have wondered why God has placed the incoming freshmen in my heart, perhaps I did not invest any time in the freshmen (now sophomores) last year. But I know for sure that last year I was still learning/growing and was not in the correct place to be a leader. This is my final full year to really serve here in Merced and I am super duper excited to see what God has in store for me.

For one thing, I am not an initiator nor a conversationalist. But today, I was studying for Anthropology and an incoming freshmen from the class asked if I was meeting up to compare results from the lab. I stated that I was meeting up someone else to study for the exam tomorrow and there a conversation sprouted. It turns out that we both live in SF and it was neat to know that God gave me the confidence and boldness to start a conversation and invite her to upcoming events for DIVE. Praise the Lord!

:)

Rediscovering You- Starfield

I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today
I want to know the passion of the saints
And how they were changed

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You
Bring me back to life, Jesus
Help me rediscover You

My Walls Are Falling.

Friendships

It's definitely been difficult going through trials with dozens of friends no longer wanting to pursue a friendship with me. Though it hurts a bit, I look around and realize that I am still surrounded by some friends who stuck it out for me like glue. And out of God's grace, He has really used them to pick me up when I fell. I am beyond awe and blown away to know that these Brothers and Sisters in Christ are able to pursue a friendship with me without passing on judgement and loving me beyond my sins. What's greater is God instilled love in their hearts. It has been such a wake up call and realization for me to know that everything that happens is all part of God's will and it will help stretch and grow us in ways we never expected. I am blessed to know that God has never abandoned any of us in all seasons. I can't think of a greater verse, Hebrews 12:1-3.

Hebrews 12:1-3 (English Standard Version)

Hebrews 12

Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and^A)">(A) sin which clings so closely, and^B)">(B) let us run^C)">(C) with endurance the race that is^D)">(D) set before us, ²looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith,^E)">(E) who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising^F)">(F) the shame, and^G)">(G) is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Amen.

<3 YOU all! You know who you are. :)

The 2 Errors

As I reflected and evaluated my recent actions and the root of my heart, I see such wretchedness and brokenness. My sin is what I see. It's not just one sin, but it's one after another. I am sinking and drenching myself in materialism, jealousy, bitterness, hate, envy, sloth, complacency, gossip, and lack of passion for the Gospel.

As I journey onto the second part of chapter 1 in The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, I am reminded that "a reply reveals an all-too-common misconception of the Christian life: the thinking that, although we are saved by grace, we earn or forfeit God's blessings in our daily lives by our performance"-Bridges15. For an example: Good and bad day scenario:
When faced with a bad day spiritually, when it seems like we've done everything wrong and we end up feeling guilty or perhaps a good day when all our spiritual disciplines are in place we are reasonably satisified with our Christian performance. So how good is good enough?

The point of this good day, bad day comparison is that regardless of our performance, we are always dependent on God's grace! We do not deserve His favor, rather we deserve His wrath! (Bridges19).

The gospel is for sinners. Or those who acknowledge themselves as sinners. Jesus said, "I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance (Luke5:32) Without the continual reminder of the gospel, we can fall into one of the two errors.

1st error- focus on our external performance and become proud like the Pharisees / we might begin to look down on those who are not as disciplined, obedient, and committed as we are
2nd error- the feeling of guilt / although we are exposed to the disciplines of a Christian life to obedience, service, and in our hearts we have responded to these changes. We then put the gospel on the shelf and we struggle with the failure and guilt of our sin, but we again are focusing on our performance we forget the meaning of GRACE- God's unmerited favor to those
who deserve only His wrath.

Romans 3:23-25 (English Standard Version)

²³for^A)">(A) all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴^B)">(B) and are justified^C)">(C) by his grace as a gift,^D)">(D) through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, ²⁵whom God^E)">(E) put forward as^F)">(F) a propitiation^G)">(G) by his blood, to be received by faith.

And The Birthday Celebration Continues!

Saturday (July 3): I definitely did NOT expect two more days of celebrating my birthday! :)

Saturday, I thought Stepho and I were just gonna grab lunch. I haven't decided where I had wanted to go, so she chose Cheesecake Factory. The Cheesecake Factory was pretty empty at 10:45am ish and it was surprisingly a really nice day. So I was thinking we would eat outside, but she walked up towards one of the waiters:

Stepho said "Table 55".
Me: What's that? 55 guests? Uhhh..

The waiter walked us to "Table 55" and there I saw some of my church friends. It was so simple, but I was totally surprised! Definitely caught me off guard.

Sunday: We had family dinner and we ate tons of great food! And I had my first 20th birthday cake. Afterward my brother, sister, her friend, and I went to met up with a few of our church friends at a Chinese desserts place.

Thank you all for the prayers, blessings, and making my birthday so much more than what I thought it was going to be! :) You guys are awesomebeans!

Every Starry Night Was His Design

Today was my birthday and it was mind bottling to know that 19 years have gone by and onto my 20th chapter in life.

Within these thoughts:

I purchased two wooden blocks while I was at a retreat recently, each reads a different word and listed below is an encouraging verse:

Priority- But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Forgive- Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32


Reasons why I chose "Priority & Forgive".
Priority- Over the past year I have lost sight of who Christ is. I have grown complacent and hopeless of what Christ had/has in store for me. When I look at the verse located in Matthew 6:33, I am reminded that all of my shortcomings, failures, and struggles are short lived when I set my eyes on Christ and on the prize. So what does it mean to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness? It is when we deny ourselves (Luke 9:23 (English Standard Version)Take Up Your Cross and Follow Jesus ²³And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him^A)">(A) deny himself and^B)">(B) take up his cross^C)">(C) daily and follow me.) and live for only God. Because we no longer live for our selfish gain rather to be reminded of how GREAT the Gospel is in our lives, that our lives will be transformed by the blood of Jesus Christ! :)

Forgive- Ephesians 4:32 -Christ calls us to forgive one another and ourselves just as HE forgave us! It has definitely been a challenge to do so, but it will be well worth it in the end!


Resolutions for the year!
1. Fall more in love with God each and everyday in relationship, prayer, and through His word!
2. Figure out what God wants me to do after I graduate!
... that's all I can think of.